Hey! How are you? I hope you’re doing good. I’ll cut right to the chase. I’m deleting you as a friend.

Please don’t get upset. It’s not that I don’t like you, or that your profile picture’s aren’t awesome, it’s just that we never talk. I mean, what happened to us? Remember the good old days when you requested me as a friend? I looked at the picture and thought “Oh. I think I went to school with this kid like 5 years ago” then I clicked accept because I didn’t want to be rude. Well, I think it’s time for us to officially part ways.

You see, after we became friends, I figured you might write on my wall, ask me what I was up to. Then I would respond with the obligatory post that goes something like “I know, it has been awhile. Lol. I’m pretty good. Just working and going to school. I love it though. What have you been up to?” But, that never happened. No accidental pokes, no photo comments, nothing. Well, actually, one time you invited me to the group “If 1,000,000,000 people join this group [random guy] will shave his head!!!1!” That got me pretty excited.

Seriously, it’s been great having you as a friend. We got through the New Facebook transition, which you and I know was not easy. I remember when you were “totally stressing about finals.” One time we were even tagged in the same album of a mutual friend! That was wild! But, I guess I didn’t expect our Facebook relationship to be like our high school relationship, where we don’t say a word to each other.

Anyway, take care. Maybe I’ll see you in my news-feed someday, kiddo.

Ian Bauer